Traffic Musings

There's nothing like driving through the crowded and congested roads of Delhi to rediscover yourself. You'll watch in shock as a brand new personality "overtakes" your old self. I remember the times when I used to give my dad those supercilious glances as he would foam at the mouth while driving. Now it's his turn to gape at me in stunned disbelief and shock as I hurl the choicest swear words at the nincompoops skidding their way through the roads.
Even Agatha Christie would have scratched her head while trying to fathom the cause of traffic jams in Delhi.  You would be crawling along for 40 minutes on a kilometre long road only to find out all this happened because some Alec Smart decide to zoom and cut across lanes to save 2 minutes of his precious time!
India is being enveloped by a wave of change. Mamta "Didi" Banerjee has managed to end the mighty Left's thirty year rule over West Bengal and Amma is now sitting comfortably after pushing Karunanidhi out of the picture. But those who like constancy will always be comforted by the presence of the omnipresent cows which amble across the roads without a care in the world. And if you dare honk incessantly, they'll fix you with a baleful eye and saunter leisurely.
But now I have mellowed down. So now i don't gnash my teeth when an aunty "bumps" gently into my car or the uncle who's talking on the phone stops in the middle of the road to light his cigarette. I sigh, take a deep breath and accept the inevitable. I have rediscovered myself! And how! :|

Facebook Mania

Move over swine flu and other diseases. The latest bug to hit people is OFD . Wondering what that is? Well, it stands for Obsessive Facebook Disorder. And think twice before you plaster your face with a condescending smirk, for all you know, you might just be one of the victims!
The sufferers are known to experience palpitations when they see that red notification sign at the left most corner of the screen. They confess that their poor heart races at a marathon pace when they scramble to check it with trembling hands.
They are also prone to bouts of depression or fits of moodiness when they realise that their super cool status or photos did not get adequate number of 'likes'.
They can be found obsessively refreshing their fb page in order to catch any new 'updates'.
They might also have a propensity to document every SINGLE second of their life on facebook. So, if you see updates like "drank all night" or "love you babbbyyy had a super awesome day with you" or even "finally cured of constipation, filled the pot with shit!!", DONOT bat an eyelid. It's not their fault, poor souls. Really.
I'm proud to say that I have successfully eluded this bug. And now please excuse me. I need to update my status. To let people know that I've added a new post. And while I'm at it might as well as change my music preferences. And the profile pic is seriously very old..
What? What did you say? That I have OFD? How dare you!

Desi English

The Indian English is truly fascinating. It's evolved into such a compelling force that many of the words of "Indian Origin" have been included in the Oxford dictionary. Well, more power to us!

But some of the desi English has frankly left me stumped. The one that tops the list is the addition of 's' after most of the words. So an affirmative or denial is expressed as Oks or Nopes and how are you has quite inexplicably become how's you! LOL was always a rage but nowadays lolzzzz is in. I mean, seriously, loads of laughterssss??  And then you have all the dudes who can barely string two words together but that really doesn't deter them from saying things like Wassup!! Chill man Chill!!

But after sometime you end up saying all these things too. Because trying to correct them is like fighting a losing battle. The other day I went to a shop and asked for a pears soap. "Heinji??", asked the confused shopkeeper. "Pears bhaiyya Pears Soap". Sorry no soap called "Pears". Then an obliging chap corrected me."She's asking for PEERS soap." "Ohhh..To aise bolna tha na madamji!! Alright sir, whatever you say! Peers it is.

"Aaj tumhara Happy Birthday he" and "What's your good name" are passe. Sporting a fake accent is in nowadays it seems. Madhuri Dixit's newly acquired Yankee accent is quite the topic of discussion, but I'm unfazed. For soon I bet there will be people who go to the international airport and come back with an accent!! :P

But good,bad or funny, there's no denying the fact that desi english has it's own flavour that somehow makes it stand out. And well, as long as it works for us, I'm 'Okays' with it. You agree with me, no? :)

An Open Letter

Dear Whiner,
You poured your heart out to me and told me about all the worries and troubles plaguing you. I heard it all. You know, about the nasty boss, shitty office, horrible place, the puke-worthy food, the mean friends, friends who won't ask for your opinion, friends who always ask for your opinion, people pretending to be your friends when their real intention is to kill you and sell your organs.(ok, i might have made this one up!)
I sympathized with you, made soothing noises and tried to cheer you up. But you didn't cheer up. Your problem became my problem and I played the perfect Agony Aunt and gave you the best advice I could. But you still weren't happy. I told you things couldn't get worse so they'll surely get better. But you insisted that the worst was yet to come and this was just the tip of the iceberg.(bigger than the one which caused Titanic to sink)
And now Dear Whiner, when i look at my graying hair and creased forehead, I feel like saying only one thing.
You..Off my Planet!!

Thank You
Yours Sincerly
Had Enough Of Your Complaints

"HAPPY" Childrens' Day!!

All this talk about celebrating Childrens' Day has made me quite nostalgic. It's brought back a deluge of memories. Grandpa's constant pampering. Scooter rides with Dad. Playing all sorts of games with friends. Comics and books. Cartoons. An uncomplicated life, in short.

I really can't say the same for the kids today!! 
- An 8 yr old comes to me the other day and says "add me as a neighbour in Farmville"!!
Me: Do your parents know that you have a facebook account??
Him: Sure, they are the one's who created my profile. Infact, my mum, dad and aunt are all my neighbours. Oh, and do remember to gift me a cherry tree daily. I need more of them.
(Ah well, atleast they are talking the "Go Green" message seriously, even if it's only in the virtual world!!)
Me: What outdoor games do you play?
Him: Well I race to my house daily from school, does that count??
Me: It sure does!! Why do you do that though? Coz you get very hungry by then?
Him: Na..need to get back in time to harvest my crops else they'll wither!!
Ummm..ok!!

I am stumped and frankly appalled! What happened to hide and seek, stapoo, carroms and skipping? Why have reality shows demanding kids to dance and sing and crack adult jokes replaced Ducktales and Tom and Jerry?? And why would kids rather listen to their ipods than read Tintin and Famous Five!!

And parents are no less. After all it's their responsibility to ensure that their kids don't have their noses glued to the TV or laptop. And to top it all, they expect their kids to do everything. Clear IIT entrances and also be a swimming champ. Win the reality show while getting an A grade in school.

Life is not a race. Some effortlessly achieve their goals while others stumble around and discover their true calling. No need to take Mr Darwin seriously people, coz in the end everybody survives. Really. :)

rangoli

That Sinking Feeling

Yes, that's right. This is the feeling which the sight of water inspired in me earlier. And I thought what better way to conquer this fear than by learning swimming? And so the adventure began..:)

I was apprehensive, to say the least, on my first day of the lessons. At the sight of water, a panic attack set in but was quickly quelled when I caught some 3 and 5 year olds LAUGHING at me. huh!! With false bravado I stepped into the pool. The coach asked me to try floating. 5 seconds inside water and I was dying to get out. Which I couldn't. Instead I thrashed around wildly till the coach steadied me. (To my credit, the coach conceded he had never seen anybody do such astonishing somersaults before!! :))

One day the coach wanted me to jump inside the pool, that too from the deep end. Of course I said no. And of course my opinions are valued a lot.
"Just jump and push yourself off the floor of the pool and start swimming".
Sure. Do you want me to do a couple of pirouettes too?? And as I stood preparing to jump, a couple of bees decided it was an ideal time to come out and encourage me. "Jump in if you want to escape the bees" Thank You, Sir. Suddenly the proverb "between the devil and the deep sea" took on a whole new meaning.

Then came the diving lessons. "First the hands enter the water, then your face and then the rest of the body". And of course I followed the instructions to boot. By landing hard on my stomach.

Well eventually I did learn swimming properly. That occasion was marked by me getting a standing ovation from everybody. Just kidding. Or maybe not.

But overall it was an amazing experience. And even though I might not be an ace swimmer, I can atleast save myself from drowning. Bring on the pool parties people!! :)